nope, haven't been on here much. I've been reading OBC's devotion every morning on the way to the gym. They have been a huge blessing. the past day and a half has been pretty rough. got into an online arguement over something stupid. The end result was that person completly regretting the day they met me, as well as being being cut off from someone that I counted as my best friend just a couple of months ago. this growing up stuff isnt as much fun as it looked. Right, wrong or otherwise, what's done is done. I'm just not handling it near as well as I should. Then this morning, I got an email from someone I met less than aweek ago saying that they could no longer talk. Didn't give a reason other than to say, they couldn't say why, cause it would come out wrong, whatever that means. Idk how i get into these messes, and I sure as heck can't figure out how to get out of them, or avoid them in the future.

What a week

Well, I just finished a 32 hour seminar that dealt with everything from basic salvation to conquering habits, to meditating on scripture, to personal requirements for marriage as well as the requirements of a potential mate, to disciplining kids, and everything in between. This is the 3rd time I've gone through this seminar, and by far the most convicting. It's amazing how you can listen to the exact same thing several times, and every time, God will point out different things that you need to work on. Right from the start, I knew God was going to show me some really deep stuff, because Satan has been attacking me in every area you can imagine all week. Sometimes he won and without fail, the sessions that night where on the exact same topic. The 2 biggest things that I got out of this week (supported by many other things that were taught, and i need to work on) are conquering habits, and courtship/marriage.

Conquering Sinful Habits:
For the past 9 years or so, I have had a bad habit that I have tried to overcome many times over the years with no success. Although I had been through this seminar 2 times before, i was never willing to put forth the effort required to overcome it. Over the past several months, I have gotten a glimpse how much damage it can bring to me, as well as the people around me; and I am now willing to take the steps necessary to overcome the power of sin.

1. Learn why past efforts have failed
A. The futility of our fleshly efforts, Romans 8:13
B. The defeat of double mindedness (wanting to hate the sin and overcome it, but still secretly
wanting to enjoy it), James 1:6-8
C. The ignorance of how to live in Christ, Romans 8:1
D. The foolishness of fleshly provisions (willing having available, or being around temptations),
Romans 13:14
E. The shortsightedness of secrecy (we need to confess and be accountable for our actions),
Proverbs 28:13

2. Learn what it means to be in Christ
A. Levi paid tithes in Abraham (when our forefathers do good, we benefit), Hebrews 7:9-10
B. We sinned in Adam (when our forefathers sinned, so did we, and will suffer the
consequences), Romans 5:12
C. We are in Christ at salvation, Romans 6
D. What Christ did, we did as part of him (victory over sin)

3. Learn how to turn our position 'in Christ' into daily experience
A. Achieved by the 'hearing of faith,' Galatians 3:2,5
B. Ask for wisdom and revelation, Ephesians 1:17-20
C. Faith is trusting God's word, not human reasoning, Hebrews 11:1
D. God promised Abraham a son, Romans 4:17-24
E. God declares Christians are dead to sin (are we gonna believe God, or our own reasoning?),
Romans 6:2
F. If a lie oft told is finally believed, how much more the truth, though it sounds imposable?
G. Our victory is already won in Christ, Romans 6:1-7, Romans 8:1-15
H. We turn this truth into reality by 'reckoning' it so, and by yielding to God's spirit

4. Seven steps to 'reckon' ourselves dead to sin
A. Engraft Romans 6 and Romans 8:1-15 into your soul, James 1:21
B. Meditate on those passages day and night
I. Put it in the first person
II. Name the sin
C. Compare the law of sin to the law of gravity (just because we get saved, doesn't make the
'pull' of sin go away), Romans 7:21-24, Romans 8:1-2
D. Make no provision for fleshly lusts Romans 13:14
E. Picture yourself dead to the power and appeal of sin, Rom 6:6, Gal 2:20, Col 3:3
F. Be accountable for daily victory
I. Use the power of shame to conquer temptation
G. Recognise and obey the Scriptural promptings of the Holy Spirit

5. Learn how to yield to God
A. Spiritual Prompting (idea)
B. Visualization
C. Decision
D. Yielding of self, Romans 21:1
E. Yielding of members daily, Romans 6:13

6. Expect God to confirm our need for him (Love), Phil 3:7-11, Rom 7:22-24

Live just one day at a time, and stay focused on victory for that day. Don't put the extra load of tomorrow's temptations on you today.

Courtship/ Marriage:

Nine qualities I need to have to be ready for a relationship.:

1. I need to be a genuine believer (with an active, growing relationship with God)
2. I need to have self acceptance
3. I need to be under my God given authorities
4. I must have a clear conscience (no hidden sins or past sins that haven't been dealt with)
5. I need to know how to yield my rights
6. I need to have moral freedom
7. I need to know God's purpose for my life (how can we expect to find a help-meet, if we don't know what we need help with?)
8. I need to have financial freedom (how can I support a family if I'm buried in debt, with no place to live?)
9. I need to be in harmony with the members of my family (how can I love my wife, if I don't get along with my sisters? how I treat my mom and sisters, is how I will treat my wife)

These are also the qualities I should look for in a potential wife.

I need to develop a relationship with her dad. What qualities does she admire in him? Do I have the same qualities? If not, what do I have to do to develop those qualities? We should only pursue marriage, if it is clear that we can be more affective for God married, rather than single. We need to go to sleep to the idea of marriage, and focus on whatever God wants us to be doing 100%. God will wake me up when he has ready for me, and me for her.

There are things that I need to work on,things that will not change overnight. As much As I want to, I can't put a face on the person, or a date on the time that God has planned for me. Every time I do, I end up ruining a friendship that never should have been ruined. If i would just let God work out his perfect plan, I will be so much better off. Right now, I only have about half of the qualities that I need. To get involved in a relationship at this point would be nothing short of selfish and greedy. I pray that God would get me a double portion of grace, that I may be prepared for whoever God has for me as soon as possible.

God's Principle of Design

Tonight was the first night of Bill Gothard's IBLP Basic Seminar. It's been a long time since I've been through it. There is so much material, it's hard to remember half of it! Tonight we went through the principle of design. God made each of us exactly how he wants us, and we need to be thankful for that. not a whole lot to talk about tonight, but it was still a very good lesson. Tomorrow night is the principle of Authority.

When trying your hardest isn't good enough.

Today was my first day back in Fairbanks. I gotta admit that this is one of the last places I wanted to be this morning. One thing that I've really been worrying about (notice I said 'worrying,' not 'praying') is that I would either stop growing or worse, slide backwards; because I did not think there was a church that I could grow from in town. Boy was I wrong! Tonight, i went to Bible Baptist Church, and sat through a sermon that God had to have planned just for me! Brother Leon Groff taught a message on why we don't grow, even when we are doing everything we can think of to grow, and draw closer to God.
The problem is that we are trying to hold ourselves to God's standards on our own. No matter how hard we try on our own, we will never be able to hold ourselves to God's standard. Isaiah 64:6 says '...all our righteousness are as filthy rags...'
What we need to do, is humble ourselves, admit that we cannot grow on our own, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead us closer to God. Brother Groff used personal relationships as an example. If we are interested in someone and want to grow closer to them, we naturally look for things we can do to make that person happy, and to please them. As we start doing things that make that person happy, we naturally grow closer, and the relationship gets stronger and stronger. The closer we get, the more things we can do for that person. The same is true with God. As we start doing little things that please God, we will grow closer to him, and we will naturally starting getting closer to where he wants us. This message was a huge encouragement to me, because it is exactly what I have been struggling with over the last couple of months. I've been trying to grow, but I wasn't seeing the results that I thought I should be seeing. I am so thankful for God's faithfulness! I has proven that if I trust him, and go where ever he leads, he will take care of me both Spiritually, and Physically. God is so good!!!!